Don't act like you know me and I want to be the mum for Cristiano Ronaldo's kids. This is not a fantasy, its just a sweet nightmare. Maybe it's because I wear a pair of thick-framed black glasses, which people complain are so nineteen-fifty. Or it's that I walk around with a cigarette on my hands, puffing away? I wanna grow up to be a scientist and find out why im such a superstar. My friends mock me for that, but of course the typical me don't give a damn.


Aidi Ain Amir Asha Azmi Carissa CheryLove♥ Dian♥ Eeqah Edaya♥ Farain Firdaus Hafiz Hamizah Harrison Hidayah Iqah Janice Kelvin Linsih♥ Maira Marianna Pauline Priscilla Raychell Sakinah Shazwani G YinFong Yong Hwee Yu Ting


October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010


Designer: Increasingly
Resources: XXXX

"To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving up or giving in. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it isn’t defeat. To let go of something is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it’s learning, it’s experiencing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow. It’s about all that you had and all you still have. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up, realising that a heart can sometimes change and it can also be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free." Everything is easier said than done.

“Dear Syahirah, apart from me thinking so hard about you, I'd like to say some things to you too. Just now while riding back home, I came across a sign that says, drive home safely for your loved ones, the 1st thought that came to mind was you in fact. I started to think that I wanna come home to you safely, no hurt, pain or worries, I wanna come home to your smile, kisses and hugs. I noe its not the right time to think that way but little did I know that signs like this do make an impact. It links to why I need you, and why I need to start be a proper gentleman, not a bastard who plays around but someone who learns the heart and mind of others, a mature boy. Well enough said baby, im sleeping now, i'll pick you up tml k? Call you when im up. Goodnight and today was another special day we had tgt :) sweet dreams” - E
Yes, he's sweet like that. But sweet-talks doesnt work on me darling and you know that pretty well. Though that, you still caught me smiling to myself. Happy trying. (;

Im not really a fan of blogging about sad stuffs but I want to remember this for the rest of my life. During tough times like this, you'll realise who exactly matters in your life. I haven been myself recently. Many things happened. How I wish, I was strong enough to just leave. How I wish, I was brave enough to push you away. But for whatever that has happened between us, I just know I cant lose you again. But will our happiness last at the expense of someone's misery? But will we be happy like before? Are we able to accept what had happened within these 3 months? Im broken right now. Though I know I've got you, but there's many things that is stopping me. One of them is Her. Im like the bitch that spoils the relationship between you and Her. If only, you didnt tell me you were attached. I wont be thinking about you. I would have moved on with my life. I wouldn't have stood in front of you. I wouldn't have the feeling of wanting you back and missing you. Well I guess, only when that someone has someone new then you'll realize how important that person is in your life. It was my fault for leaving you. It was my fault for contacting him. But it wasn't my fault that our relationship ended up this way.

It was a wonderful 1 year almost 2 months being together. But things change soon after. I was blinded by love and lies. And when I really decide to leave, I ran away not looking back. Not even peeping on how you're doing. I was hurt to know the lies you've made up but I was strong enough to walk away and be happy still. But not till you told my friends you were attached. In less than a month after we broke up. So what was the 1 year plus all about? I want to believe that She was just a rebound. But I cant. Everything you've said became a doubt. You told me that you wanted our diary back cause you've found someone that don't mind doing all the things we've planned. Though after that you claimed that you were just testing me about the diary,I burnt the diary cause I want you to know that the plans is OURS. I had a hard time burning everything. My heart aches each time the fire touches the diary. I asked myself "Why am I feeling hurt after knowing the truth? Do I still have feelings for him?"

However, I never thought that meeting up with you made things worse for us. You told me that She was just a rebound. She was just there when I'm not around. She was just there for as your companion. She was just there cause you need someone to be there. She was just there when you're in need. She was afterall innocent. You told me that you did all these to attract my attention, to show me that you've moved on. If you did moved on, why bother telling me all those? You claimed that you were just trying to get back to me on what I did to you? But I think you went too far.

You told me you never loved her, I know very well it was a lie. You did love her. If I didnt appear, you will be happy with her. But right now things are out of my hands. You are here but I dont feel you here. You are here but its not like before. We have hurt an innocent heart, will we ever be happy? Can time heal everything that has happened? Can time heal the hurt that we've caused to each other? Can I accept the things you've did to her? I seriously hate this feeling. Seriously. I want to strong again and ignore this shit. But Im weak to even walk away. I just hope everything will heal in time to come. Heal You. Me and Her.

I hope you realised what you have done to me and Her. I hope you realised how much pain you have caused. I hope you realised the things that you do to satisfy yourself have brought so much hurt to us. I hope you realised that Love is not a game. I hope you realised you've lost a girl that loves you dearly that would sacrifice everything for you. I hope you dont regret your decision.

If ever you regret your decision, leave. If ever you feel that Im not worth fighting for, leave. If ever you feel that you need a normal girl like Her, leave. If ever you feel that Im being hard on you, leave. If ever you feel like leaving, please leave now.

It hurts to read. It hurts to know. But I rather know everything or nothing at all. I rather hurt myself with the ugly truths than deceive myself with beautiful lies. I want to believe that everyone deserves a second chance. But do you deserve it? Think deep, Eddy.

This is not fun at all. Can someone please fuck this feeling away from me? )':

I've missed you too much. I didnt get a chance to tell you thank you for loving me all these while. I didnt get to appreciate you properly. But you left without even saying goodbye. Well Allah loves you more. Aku redha. Its almost a year now. And all I can give you now is my prayers.


I went to visit him just now. I want to make things clear. Death is never sweet, not at all. If you're telling people that they dont have to come and visit you on or after your death, then you're lying cause all you can ask for is our prayers. And I bet, you never really lost someone you loved.

The difference between me and you is simple. I chose flings. You chose relationships. The difference between flings and relationship is also simple. Relationships comes with responsibility and commitment. Flings dont. You come you go. So go figure it out, boy. Afterall, she's innocent. We're never going back to where we were, though I admit it was definitely happy moments. Its over.

Hanya kau yang tahu, sayang.

Kekasih gelapku : Babi,dah tk pandai call, msg aku lagi eh? Yelah aku ni kan siape?
Me : Wah kau. Sedapnye mulot kau bebual. Hello tkder. Assalamualaikum tkder. Kene babi pulak tu.
Kekasih gelapku : Sorry lah. Dah biase.
Me : Siak. Ape kau nk, babi?
Kekasih gelapku : I miss you.
Long pause.
Me : I've missed you more...
Kekasih gelapku : Please know Im always here.
Longer pause.
I hang up.
Again.

When I hang up or leave you hanging, doesnt mean I dont care. Just that when it comes to you, Im always afraid to fall deeper.

This is no longer love,baby. This is just us. And us dont last. If we're going to meet again in years to come, Im never letting you go. Till then, Goodbye, Loverboy.

To take me on a date with



To play dress up with

To catch a soccer match with



And to sit by the beach with

Not forgetting to make love with ♥


Aku selalu jadi bahan bully.

K not really. I bully them more.

IIP is finally over. And I've been trying to rush my report since I dont know when but unfortunately, I still have one thousand and five hundred words more to go. Faintastic -.- Not only that I need to hand in by Friday. I have one more day left. And Im still here blabbering. Mcm sial. Oh yes, what I've been up to exactly. Selain dari tdo mcm babi for 48 hours and jumpe anjing2 liar tengah malam and merepek with them, I hereby declare, I, Syahirah has a sad and boring lifexzxzx ): Sedih per aku. Oh yeah, tapi takper Saturday karoks with my Bestest Dogs. Sorry eh Anak2 Anwar tk bole join. Next time Kakak buat outing, I make sure you duer free k? Teettttttt!

I think I'm stucked with the same faces for a little too long. Aku sekarang no, sejak dulu lagi aku bahan bully -______-" Gua sabar jek. Jangan sampai darah gua go upstairs, Lu sorang satu gua abes kan. Aiiinnng~ Tau lah aku.

Okay enough of those. That was Bach. Now, its me (:

Iftar with Linsih, Aceh, Aym and Roy at Zam Zam. Abang Rahim treat us to Briyaaani. Yummy! Then Shisha and sambil2. Wahduuh. Bulan Ramadhan ni sempat eh. Sah perangai setan. Sab join soon after. All 5 of us cabbed home. Yes 5. Sab jadi mangse kene duduk kat bawah. Si Linsih and Aym busy maen Guitar Heroes while Im stucked in between them -.- Aceh, dkt depan goyang kaki. To Woodlands Mart and we played Chop Chilli Chop Chilli Chop Chop Chop. Sampai senak ketawe non-stop. Good times~









Then, off to meet the Bestest Dogs to Mustafa Center. (I dont know what to say here cause we always go to Mustafa Center to smell Nian's members.)

A few weeks back, we headed to Town. At first, planless. Me, Sab, Nash, Fai and Linsih. Then many joined. Somehow from planless, we went to bowl. And chilled at I-dont-know-the-name. K best.



BabyGirls

This is what you get for being single for too long. Its time.

Smuer step sachok. All are rejected items. Buy 1 get 4 free.



Oh yes, thats Carebear and his gf on the far left.

I had a farewell dinner with my colleagues at Mad Jack's. The food was alright.

Thanks all for the guidance.

Oh yes, I forgot to share with you about my 20th birthday. I wasn't really looking forward to it. Thanks to work. But, I have the sweeetest bunch of dogs that make it all worth it. I was sleeping soundly on my birthday eve. Out of a sudden, I felt being carried out of my bed. I thought I was dreaming. Not till, I heard "Happy Birthday to you~~" *suara smuer mcm katak btw. And saw them all around me. Of course I was touched to the maximum. But not until eggs welcomed my 20th. As usual, I was sabotaged with eggs and perfume. Last year, was egg and flour. So who is these special people? Hafishy, Linsih, Nash, Muz, Yat, Zahid, Faisal, Nian, Awan and Eddy. Thanks for making my 20th a very very goood one.

No matter how serious life gets, you will still need a group of people whom you can completely be stupid with, Im proud to have each and every one of them in my life, I swear.

I thanked those who wished me. Appreciated much. Be it via Facebook, messages, calls or whatever it is, thanks a lot.

To finish it up, Linsih, Dian and I partied at Zirca/Rebel (: Oh yes Awesomeeee.










Okay dah. I need to get back to my report. Part blog bole type panjang2 part report, otak jam.

In time to come, you'll think about the past and move on.
In time to come,you'll find that everything is indeed not perfect.
In time to come,you'll realise what's love, what's life and what matters most to you.
In time to come,you'll make an effort to own what you desire.
In time to come,you'll sit and think about the foolish mistakes you've done.
In time to come,you'll realise that some sufferings that you've went through is worth it.
In time to come,you'll change for the better or worse.
In time to come,you'll look back and cry or smile or regret and be glad on the decision you've made.
In time to come,you'll wake up and realise that everything is just a dream.
There's never happy ever after in life. Cause happiness is not something everyone can have. Its something you'll have to work for.

Aku lah perempuan paling ego, kau pon samer. Like it or not. I wanted you to be by my side so badly, but yet again, I pushed you away. I wasnt at my right mind but babi, you should have known better. "Kau ni kepale batu sak, hati pon mcm batu" You scold, you get angry, you laugh, you hide, you pop up but all I want to know is do you really care? Aku sorry pasal semalam. They scolded me for pushing you away and regretting. If only you're Tom, Dick or Harry. But you're not. I dont wanna shoot you. I dont want to shag you. I nk marry you. Chey. Remember the dream you had? I want it to come true. ll

I know your game. You thought you made the rules but boy, you didnt realise that you're the player. You turn the game around, twice. But this time was just like the other, even if its going to take a few years to know the reason yet again, there's no way you'll see me running after you just like the girls you had. You come, you go. There's no one stopping. But, stop for a moment. Think. Doesn't it makes you better than anyone else? You may wanna find a better game. Hide and Seek is so over-rated. You're already known for that.

Walau bagaimana pon, aku rindu kau mcm orang giler. Tapi, kakak chill. Cause good things are worth waiting and remembering. Kau tetap babi.

Oh yes, accidents are never fun to see or experience. To Aym Charlie and Aceh Razees, cepat2 baek. I want a big feast, fast. Take care. See you when I see you. Heh!



I had dinner with Marcus just now at Junction 8 after work. It was awesome. Apparently, he remember that he owe me a dinner after almost a year. We had a big one. Yummy to the maximum. Then we chilled and talk crap. Look at this. Cool shiatzzz.




And yes, Go Fuck Yourself!

14 days and counting. Oh yes, IIP will be history soon. I is cant wait.

Kakak Yana and Abang Yan's Marriage.





Since we are at this topic, so what is Marriage exactly?
Is it being together forever and ever which means sleep together, eat together, stay together, get rich together, have fun together, cry together, make love together, suffer together and basically do everything together lah. So is Marriage suppose to be a happy thing or a sad thing? Cause when you're married, you have more responsibility. You have more things to worry about. You have no freedom like when you're single. You have no life cause you're stuck with the same person for the rest of your life. And that if you don't divorce and re-marry -.- Or is it suppose to be a happy thing cause you get to share all your happiness and sadness with that special someone. You get to have someone call you 'Mum' or 'Dad'. You get someone to pamper you and understand you. Care for you. Everything nice. Yet again, why are there still people divorce? Is it because they fail to love the person more? Or it is because they are sick and tired of the routined-happiness? So now, take some time to think. Marriage or No Marriage. If you ask me, Marriage. Dont ask me why cause I think Love is beautiful (:

So enough of Marriage. I wish the 2 Lovebirds, a long and blissful marriage.

I've been busy with work. Work is never fun. Its worst now cause my eye-candy is not working anymore. And I got a presentation to do. Not forgetting a 2000 words of report by the end of August. Right now, Im actually thinking of the follow-ups I need to do when I get to work on Sunday. What a life -.-

Im spending quality time with this bitches.







And right now, Im hoping that my handphone will ring and say "Jom!" Btw, I wasted 15bucks on an ugly french manicure. I tak sukee ):

you're allowed to share secrets, hold hands, cry on each other's shoulders, talk on the phone till morning, laugh at the simplest joke and enjoy each other's company. the rule of the game is never to fall in love. if you do, you lose. secretly, i've lost to you yet again. and i need to stop falling deeper cause a leopard never changes its spots. no more games,PLZ?

i pretty had a hard time letting go. but to come and think of it, it was a good choice cause i've never should have trust you. i dah ludah tak jilat balik lah der.

putting that aside, i've been busy with my babygirls. bitching around, stressing about sweet-nothings, finding ways to forget sweet-talker-mother-fcukers and trying to make love. chey~ tau lah aku. i had a lot of pictures to upload but my charger is being a bitch and lets hope some nice souls can lend me their charger. i need to catch up with CheryLove and ShazwaniG. I have a lot of things to grumble about to. And I'll be expecting a big dinner with Marcus. Jyeah! I cant wait to meet Dee and Halim later.

I played this game with someone to describe love with one word. So is love you? Love is you lagi. Betting is fun but losing is not. Tapi takper, next game i win, you watch out. I'll make sure i can think of something that you hate most to do with me.

I'm suppose to be sleeping now, cause i skipped work today again and i need to wake up at 6.30 for work later. But I found this in my old blog and my hand is super itchy to note it down. Its going to be very funny and super lame, of course.

May 06, 2008
"In some way or another, i believe that judging should only comes when you start look at someone for who is he and not for who he was. Even though, it was only for a short period of time, I must thanked you for making me happy and never fail to make me smile. Although, the ending was rather a weird one, I dont want to end up hating you. So let it stay this way. Im hearing too many rumours about you. But I chose to ignore cause I dont want to spoil the nice image I have of you. I still remember our first meeting, you told me that I'll hate you if I know about your past. But see I didnt. I never hated you, even now. For now maybe everytime we see each other we'll act like as if we are strangers. I guess Im okay with it cause my ignorance is blessed. So I wish you all the best."

June 23, 2008
"Oh well I cant believe Im blogging about him but yeag he've been running back recently. Good or bad? You guys decide. Cause my brain really cant work when it comes to him. Cause somehow it hurts just thinking of him yet it can also out a smile on my face thinking of all the lame jokes he gave just to make me smile. i dont eveb know if its true or its just another act of his. Well of course, I hope its true cause the feelings I have for him is too deep that I dont even know what the feeling is all about. Its all incomplete. I wonder when I can really put a fullstop to everything. Im just waiting for the day that can make me realise whether he really matters in my life or whether he's just a passer-by. They say seeing is more believing. And hell yeah, I want to anything that can make me really stop and forget everything. Cause everything I listens to some songs, they just remind me of him too much that I cant endure. I dont think you know how I really feel about you and I dont think it matters to you anyway but I just wonder do I ever cross your mind? Do you think of me?"

July 10, 2008
"Its been 2 weeks I didnt blog. Oh well busy with everything. So where do I start? Lets start on the day that finally made me realise. I was in class and didnt have anything to do. Therefore the urge of finding his girlfriend's profile just went through my mind. And yes I found it. But guess what? I felt hurt soo much. I dont know why but they look happy together. I felt stupid for feeling so down do someone who dont even care. And yes for the first time he made me cry. Raybaby and the rest talked some sense to me. I got over it abit for that moment cause I was about to meet Amir for a late lunch at Mac. I thought everything was fine. Me Amir Macspicy and then.. I really saw him with his girlfriend. BooHoo~ This time I felt like crying but felt so happy. Contradicts right? But one thing for sure, he didnt really dare look at me. He was hiding behind his laptop. Haha. I guess you felt guilty right? I wanted to tell Amir about it but blah blah blah blah blah blah...~ So I guess that gus is officially out of my mind but sometime the smell of his perfume still lingers in my mind. But thanks for everything. I'm still happy that I know you. Cause you made me see and realised what a jerk really means, And that happiness doesnt have to be for long as even a week you made me smile for the rest of the days. I dont expect anything from you. I just hope you're happy. With love, this lover says goodbye to you(: "

After reading all this, I realised how very the kental I was over this asshole. Serious kental to the maximum! And I cant believed it took me quite sometime to get over you. Macam sial eh. But guess what, after all these time, I finally got my answer. Engkau tetap irritating and cuuuuteee lah sangat2. Anyway, siape mkn chilli dier lah raser pedas kan? And aku miss kau, babi. Though at the back of my mind, you'll play the game you did last time.